Discussions of Kinmoku
by queenusagi
Summary: "Seiya, tell me more about your home planet." Seiya discusses Kinmoku with Usagi. Butterfly Effect AU.


It's been forever since I've written. This is a part of my 'Butterfly Effect AU'. I haven't written a meeting between the Starlights and SM+Naru yet, but I wanted to write this interaction so~. For context, due to Galaxia having a change in course with her conquering, she attacks Kinmoku earlier than planned. The Starlights arrive in Japan early, which triggers the Dark Kingdom to head to Japan earlier than planned, which causes Usagi to awaken much earlier. The girls are all 13 years old at this point in time.

* * *

"Seiya, tell me more about your home planet."

The sentence brings Seiya back to Earth, out of her head, and she smiles over at Sailor Moon— no, Usagi Tsukino. Seiya is still surprised that the girl sitting next to her, with her blonde hair that stops only at her shoulders instead of down her back and chubby cheeks that burn red when you stare at her for too long, is the girl who has been defending her hometown with only the help of a mere human girl who can't transform and only has a magical mask as a disguise. It's inspiring.

"My home planet?" Seiya rubs her chin thoughtfully, "I was only on it for months before the Kinmoku Kingdom sent guards to come get me so I could train on the base planet..." Seiya sighs, adjusting the pillows she has her head placed on. The ones Usagi has are so soft, much cleaner and comfortable than the ones she had to steal for her own bed.

"Kinmoku was great. I lived in a big palace with so many other people. There were maids, cooks, and so many people. It was never lonely! There was always someone there to help, and there was always something for me to do. But mostly, I trained, along with Yacha and Tachii-"

"Yacha and Tachii?"

"Oh, Yaten and Taiki. Those were nicknames we made for each other, since we couldn't use our Names yet."

Usagi looks at Seiya with a look that screams 'explain!'. Seiya shifts uncomfortably, the thought of having to explain how she was never once addressed by her birth name makes her queasy for a reason she can't place.

"Life wasn't like the one you have. I didn't attend school, I didn't have 'parents', I didn't play video games." It takes all Seiya has not to sound bitter, because she wants to tell Usagi about how great Kinmoku was even if her traitorous mind was _jealous_ that she didn't grow with what Usagi had. "I had tutors for my studies, and the lesser ranked senshi would train me."

Usagi shifts closer to Seiya, her legs folded to the side, hanging off the bed. It gives Seiya room to be able to lie comfortably on the bed without being reminded of how tight a squeeze her normal mattress is.

"The training was really hard. Each of us had a different type of training to do because we had different duties as senshi. I'm Fighter, so my training was mostly physical. I had to learn to fight while my body was preparing itself for my eventual transformation." Heat flashes through Seiya's chest, a reminder that her body never did have the correct amount of time like she was supposed to. She transformed too soon, her body preparing for a fight to the death while the burst of energy was instead used to blast her, Healer, and Maker off of the planet, out of the solar system, chasing Her Scent. "The Queen's guardians, along with their trainers, said we need to learn how to defend ourselves without the help of our senshi forms. I had to learn how to properly punch, how to kick, how to defend myself."

"I had to be able to maneuver myself against any type of enemy, no matter how strong they are. It involved learning how to read someone's body movements, spot any weaknesses, and lunge without a moment's hesitation." Laughter bubbles out from Seiya, and she turns to look at Usagi. "It means you have to know how to take down sometimes five times your size."

(Seiya doesn't mention how this training is more useful on earth than back home. She adapted quickly, learning how to read humans and how they show their weaknesses. Noticing someone's weak knee, seeing how a human's eyes twitches when they're angry, noticing a flash that means you either run or prepare to fight until one of you are dead. She never had to use this training back home. It was all for the future, when they were senshi and could just summon an attack. Back home, people don't try to hurt you when you steal a loaf of bread.)

"Of course, I still had some other training like learning how to close off my mind to any foreign invaders who would pick up on my thoughts or emotions, but that wasn't something I was too good at!" She smiles cheekily at Usagi, "I liked the physical fighting more. It was hard, but it's better to be physically exhausted than mentally."

Usagi nods slightly at Seiya, who takes this to continue.

"Taiki's training was physical like mine, but she also had a lot of training that was for the future. She couldn't transform, but she had to use her mind and visualize how to do attacks that she would need to use. It wasn't my type of training, but I remember her mentioning that she was learning how to create a literal star. She said it'd be a source of energy for us in times of need," Seiya's lips turn downwards, "but a part of me knew I would be the one who would destroy that star."

"Wow!" Seiya turns to look at Usagi. Her eyes are sparkling and she looks so impressed. "You're so strong then!"

A part of Seiya wants to smile and accept the praise, while another wants to huff and hide herself under the soft blankets. Usagi is adorable, appearing to be a different person than Sailor Moon, but they are both naive. ' _Destroying the star would kill so many people. It's a last resort. It's what happens when you have to kill your enemy but nothing so far has worked!_ ' She wants to hiss, but the way Usagi smiles at her like she's the best thing in the world makes Seiya deflate.

"I… thank… Yaten! Yaten's training. That's… that's what I was going to talk about! Her training was emotionally and mentally draining on her. She didn't do much physical training besides basic self-defense because they wanted her to master her powers involving emotions. She's from a planet that sometimes have powers that manifest without being a senshi. She can heal others, and has the ability to manipulate emotions."

"What do you mean by that?" Usagi asks, tilting her head to the side. It reminds Seiya of a dog that she sees when she walks home in the middle of the night.

"She can sense and manipulate emotions," Seiya snorts, "if she's pissed, you can be sure that you're going to feel exactly what you don't want to feel. She can sense your emotions and change how you feel. It's annoying sometimes, but she learned how to put a wall up emotionally so it doesn't impact us unless she wants to."

"Has she ever done it to you?"

"Of course she has, she uses the excuse that since we are 13 sol cycles, that it's fine!" Seiya snorts, "But lately she just does it to get what she wants with the locals! But back to the subject of training, she'd come back being drained in ways I couldn't imagine. She was sluggish and have a headache. Sometimes I'd get a headache because of how powerful hers was… It was hard, knowing how every single person was feeling around her, and having the ability to intensify or dwindle it, or just completely change it, whether it was to exploit it in battle or to calmly be able to do it during a negotiation. I didn't learn as much as I'd like to learn, because I was too busy with my aching muscles while trying to focus on my schooling." Seiya twists a part of her short hair, "I wish I could've learned because I think I could've helped her back when Galaxia first attacked."

"You didn't know that you would need to know, though!" Usagi says sharply, as if she wants to stomp the negative feelings radiating from Seiya. She leans close to Seiya and glares down, "You can't possibly blame yourself!"

Heat gathers in Seiya's cheeks, and she looks away, ignoring their close proximity.

"'I… training at home wasn't so bad…" She says, steering the conversation back to training. Usagi leans back, seemingly satisfied that Seiya wasn't getting upset over Galaxia. "It was painful, trying to learn mentally and physically, but Our Princess… she was always there for us after the training. She'd make sure we always got enough liquids and snuck me some medicine that helped the bruising. She'd rub Yaten's head to help her relax and build her wall to block experiencing every emotion. She got Taiki out of the mental state she was in, where her eyes were glossed over as she kept visualizing the power she would eventually have to do one day. She was… perfect about it all, even though we didn't deserve it.

A noise escapes Usagi's throat and Seiya glances over at her. She's making a look that Seiya can't make out. Her eyes are wet with what look like unshed tears, but her cheeks are huffed in what looks like anger. After a moment, her cheeks lose their rosy coloring and she lets out a soft breath. "She sounds amazing, Seiya…" Her words drift off, as if she wants to say more but _can't._

"She is!" Seiya exclaims, a wide smile forming on her face. She lifts her right arm up straight, as if she's reaching at the stars painted on Usagi's ceiling. Her fingers twitch and Seiya focuses on her fingers, rather than on Usagi's unusual look. "There was a problem with that though. It's not her fault, of course, that she's so amazing, but our relationship wasn't the kind that was supposed to exist. She was helping us, rather than the other way around. As the new guardians of the Kinmoku Kingdom, we were supposed to be the ones who helped raise her. We should've been born at least twenty sol cycles before she was, but we were born too late." Seiya twiddles her thumbs, a nervous habit she picked up on Earth. "I was born well after My Princess was. She was already nineteen sol cycles before I was out of my carrier's womb."

A bitter smile forms on Seiya's lips.

"For centuries, guardians are born before their Princess is. We are supposed to be old enough that when she is born, we help raise her. It is said so you can form a maternal instinct towards her, and will do everything to make sure she is never in harm's way." She sounds peaceful, but only for a second before her throat tightens. "But we were born too late, and messed it up. We didn't get to raise her, she helped raise us instead." Seiya clenches her fist, tight. "We didn't form the proper bond like we were supposed to."

The air in the room is tense, the shift making it feel like Seiya might start choking. Her breathing is deep, the only source of noise in the otherwise silent room.

The bed creeks as Usagi scoots closer to Seiya.

"But Seiya," Usagi's hand reaches out to Seiya's. Seiya's hand relaxes out of its fist, and Usagi slides her fingers into the empty space between Seiya's fingers and closes them together. The sound of Seiya's heartbeat is loud in her own ears, her cheeks flushing red as she tries not to twitch her fingers. She doesn't want to have any reason to pull away from the Japanese girl. "You did form a bond." Seiya blinks and looks Usagi in the eye, confused. "You followed her to another solar system, with only the smallest of scents to follow. You landed on a planet that was well over a three month journey away from your home. You learned Japanese and figured out how to fit in with humans. You're still fighting to find her, even as you help me fight the Dark Kingdom Monsters." Their hands fit together so nicely, Seiya muses as Usagi rubs circles into Seiya's skin with her thumb. "She loves you like a mother would, and you love her back like a daughter."

 _Like a mother. Like a daughter._

The words hit Seiya in the chest, hard. It burns worse than it did when the battle on Kinmoku forced the transformation out of her. It hurts more than the three month journey to Earth, barely having any energy after landing. It feels worse than it did when a man grabbed her by her too short hair when she stole some of his fruits.

Seiya snatches her hand out of Usagi's grasp, scrambling so her back is against the wall, as far away from Usagi as she can be. Her hand is held against her chest as if she's been burned.

Usagi looks confused, so very confused and surprised. "Seiya? Wha—?"

"Don't say that!" Seiya shouts, her hands shaking. "Don't you ever say something like that! My Princess would never see me in that way, and I would never dare to insult her by seeing her in a way that I don't deserve. She didn't carry me in her womb. She is Royalty. I have no royal blood running through my veins. It is an insult to imply otherwise." Seiya feels sick. She shoves herself off the bed. "I would never insult her by even thinking someone as powerful and amazing as her would carry someone as lowly as me to term, or that she would love me as if she did!"

"I didn't mean-! A mother's love isn't born out of blood!" Usagi sounds frightened, shocked, but mostly upset. Her eyes flash with the eyes of the Guardian Sailor Moon and Seiya's sees how Usagi's hands are clenched tight, how her legs are moving so she can get up, how her throat boobs with words she's trying to spit out. Usagi Tsukino looks like she's ready to scream at Seiya, not to physically fight her, but to fight for her honor.

"It doesn't matter what you meant, you insulted My Princess!" Seiya feels hot, her fists clenching and unclenching as she searches for an escape. She needs to get out of this room, out of this house, away from Usagi Tsukino, Sailor Moon, the girl who has been confusing Seiya since she first saw her survive a fight against a monster that was going to crush her skull by kicking a skateboard in its path, making it slip and explode into a million pieces of dust.

"Seiya!" Usagi calls out but Seiya's already running out of Usagi's room, sprinting down the steps. She slides on her socks (the too big socks, holes in the toes socks, found in a dumpster when the snow began to fall and she didn't have any shoes) in the hallway as she looks around for where Usagi hid her shoes. Usagi's parents are staring at her. She doesn't need to be an empath to feel the concern radiating off of them, but she doesn't care. She needs to get _out_.

Seiya's shoes are quickly abandoned, and she runs out of the house, the door slammed shut behind her as she runs, runs, runs so far away. Runs through dirt, through mud, over rocks that stab the bottom of her feet.

When she finally stops, she's standing outside of her home. The out of business bread store she and Yaten and Taiki have taken as their new home.

Her chest burns, every gasp making her throat tighten, her heart burn, the feeling of suffocating attacking her mind. It hurts more than training at home did, more than when her senshi sisters gave the youngest senshi their a portion of their powers to shoot them out of the planet, more than it did to land on earth so hard it caused a minor earthquake.

Hands on her knees, Seiya takes a few deep breaths. Her eyes are clenched tight as she focuses on the inhale and exhale. She doesn't think of Usagi, doesn't think of how angry she looked when Seiya kept mentioning her place. She doesn't think of her Princess, doesn't think about how wonderful it would be to be held by her once more as she whispers her words of encouragement. She doesn't think about how much the idea of Her Princess loving her like a mother both excites and scares her. All she thinks about is breathing in, then breathing out. In, then out.

..

Seiya doesn't sleep much that night. Her feet are bloody from the rocks that have punctured her skin, her pillow is too hard and flat, the blanket is too itchy for comfort, and the mattress the three sleep on feels extra tight that night.


End file.
